Nov 25, 2011

i can't do this on my own...

I keep telling myself that it all happened for a reason.. I'm the person that I am today because of them.. If that all hadn't happened, I wouldn't have the outlook on the world that I do.. I keep saying it happened for the better as painful as it all is but, I need to face it.. This was never what I wanted.. This was never what I asked for.. They were the people that were keeping me alive each day.. I gave up so much for them and we made some of the best memories together.. They introduced me to new things and made me so much more confident.. I really couldn't thank them enough for that.. I didn't know that it was only going to last for that short period of time though.. I honestly thought that it was all going to be my forever.. But they all abandoned me and made me feel so worthless.. They all just threw me away like they said they never would.. I wish that I had listened to everyone else.. I wouldn't be as hurt as I am now.. I've written so much to them and about them, but they'll never read it.. They'll never understand what they did to me.. They'll never understand how big of an impact they had on my life.. I don't think they ever will know that they changed me and are the reason why I am who I am.. But now, I just look back on all the memories with a pain in my chest and just let the tears fall as I cry myself to sleep over it knowing I'll never have it again.. Now, I'll have to deal with them looking at me with cruel eyes as if I'm just another stranger.. I'll have to go on having so much to say to them but never getting a chance to tell them.. I'll just have to deal with losing them.. I'll just have to try and forget about them and be strong but when it all comes down to the truth.. I can't do this on my own... ='(